It's Getting Better (all the time)

OK… so my last post, Living in a Cage, was a little on the negative side. But that’s how I was feeling last week.

It’s a new week, and I’ve chosen to come back to the light.

I’ve documented on this blog my struggles with my weight and the pain in my back and hips. The weight has been a growing (pun intended) problem of poor choices, lack of discipline, living alone, sedentary work, Internet addiction and – to be honest – laziness. The back and hip pain, if not a direct result of the weight gain, have certainly been exacerbated by it.

Last year, I tried to summon up some discipline and put myself on a strict diet, which I wrote about in the post, Die-it! That lasted barely a month, and the failure just left me more embarrassed, defeated and believing that I couldn’t beat the problem.

In March of this year, I started going to a local gym. I started going with a friend on the idea that we would go together and encourage or push each other to do it a couple of times a week. I began with a flourish, but she quickly gave it up, and I got lax pretty quickly too. Another failure… more or less.

Finally – Success!

In May, however, I hit on something that has been a success and really helpful. I began going to a local clinic for spinal health. It’s called Espina. They offer medical consultation, physical therapy, massage and other techniques to help people with spine and joint problems. I go twice a week for physical therapy and massage, and next week I will add what they call “underwater traction” to the mix.

The results have been really quite good. It’s not apparent (yet) from my appearance or weight, but that’s a matter of finding that discipline to force myself into the kind of eating habits that – combined with the workouts – can melt off the kilos (or pounds). But the main things are that my back and hips are feeling better and that I feel stronger overall. The pain is not completely gone, but there is definite improvement!

The physical therapy is essentially a program of gym exercises with a trainer/therapist. My program focuses on muscles that support the back and hips. I do a lot of back work, both upper and lower, as well as a full regime of exercises for the hips, groin and legs. There is a bit of chest work thrown in as well.

I am working muscles I have almost never worked before. Interestingly, many of the exercises are things that we used to see girls do in my health-club weightlifting days, but “us guys” rarely did them. These are exercises for the inner and outer thighs, hips, butt and groin. And there is a big focus on abdominals. This is all stuff that I need.

Steadily, I’ve been getting stronger, even in my hamstrings, which were always a problem area for me. And I have begun to notice that, under the layer of “soft tissue” that I still carry, my arms and shoulders are getting harder – almost like the old days. That is a GREAT feeling!

My work schedule allows me to go only twice a week, but I’ve started doing the “warm-up” exercises at home every morning. I am trying to retrain myself to do this BEFORE I turn on the computer in the morning. I still have my gym membership, and I try to get there at least once a week to supplement the training at Espina. At the gym, I do some of the exercises from my physical therapy (or at least similar), but I also try to do more with my arms and chest.

And… I am cycling more!

But Still… the Hard Part

So, it’s getting better. The next step – and definitely the hardest – is to make the kind of real and lasting food-choice changes to supplement the physical stuff. This is incredibly difficult because I (my Self or my “soul mind”) am still locked in a battle with that “devil on my shoulder” (the “physical mind”) as I wrote about in the post, The Soul, the Mind and the Heart. This is absolutely the hardest part.

This is the part where a partner can really be helpful: someone who cares about you and can encourage and even push you, but out of love. It seems to me that when you have someone close who is “in your corner,” who you know wants the best for you, and who you CHOOSE to be responsible to, you have a powerful force for change.

You want to please that person, to make her (or him) proud of you, and you want it for the right reasons. If the relationship is right, you appreciate the other person’s concern and effort to help you, and through your own love, you want it to not be in vain. You want that partnership to really mean something.

Making a public declaration of “dieting” as I did last year is a loser; it has no real power. It’s too easy to listen to the physical mind saying, “Who cares what other people think?” And so you slide back into the bad habits. But when it’s someone you care about and who cares about you, when it’s personal and private, you don’t want to mess up. And best of all, you have someone to help you defeat that stupid, grinning devil on your shoulder.

Finding a Way

That all sounds nice and great. And I’m sure it would be. But my reality is that I am on my own in this. My message to myself has to be that if other people can do it without help, then I can too. I have made some changes, and I am seeing some real results. Now it’s time to build on those results and take the next step.

It’s the hardest thing, to be sure. But since this is a beautiful, sunny day, and I am writing this post in one sitting shortly after my Espina workout – and as I am choosing to be fully positive today – I believe that I can and will get on the right side of this thing.

Maybe I will still find some help along the way, but whether I do or not, ultimately it is up to me. And this is really how it is for all of us.

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