Idiots on Bikes

In one of my speaking groups we recently discussed a topic called “Stupid People.” It’s sort of fun to think about and discuss the idiocy that we see all around us on a regular basis. It’s also insightful sometimes to realize that there are times when each of us can be guilty of a little public idiocy ourselves.

I see a lot of idiocy around me each day. I notice things here in Kharkiv that generally would not happen in the USSA, but it doesn’t mean that there are a higher percentage of idiots here; it just means that in some countries, natural stupidity (especially the dangerous variety) has been better identified and sanctions put into place to bring it under control.

In other countries, like Ukraine, progress in changing the culture to reduce idiocy and increase public responsibility and mutual respect comes a little more slowly. Ironically, it seems to me that American culture is becoming courser, shallower and more self-centered, thus causing the level of public idiocy to increase. If I were in the USSA, I am sure I’d still have plenty of fodder for a blog post on idiocy.

Idiocy happens everywhere, all the time, and in the course of just about every activity. For this post, I am focusing on bicycle idiocy. I’ve been riding my bicycle a lot this spring, and there are some things I see routinely that drive me crazy. So, here are five of my pet peeves about mental midgets on two wheels.

1.   Riding while wearing headphones. Riding a bike safely requires you to be fully aware of your surroundings, especially if you are sharing the road with a large number of mostly incompetent, mentally unstable and borderline homicidal drivers (like in Kharkiv). You can’t be fully aware of your surroundings when you have heavy metal, techno or rap crap blaring into your ears from a set of noise-canceling headphones. Idiocy in its purest form.

2.   Riding in the wrong direction. Bicycles are basically supposed to follow the same rules of the road as cars, although cyclists everywhere seem to eschew the rules defiantly. That said, it should be a no-brainer to realize that a bike should ALWAYS be ridden on the right side of the road, in the same direction as traffic. Unfortunately, some small amount of brainpower does seem to be required to ride correctly, and it’s apparent that there are a number of cyclists peddling around without any gray matter at all. It amazes me that there are still people who are stupid enough to ride on the left, against traffic, and right toward me as I am riding on the correct side. Makes me want to kick them as they go by (but then I’d be an idiot too). Complete morons!

3.   Speeding and weaving around pedestrians on busy sidewalks. Bicycles should be ridden on dedicated bike paths or lanes, or if such lanes are not available, on the street. Too often I see monkeys masquerading as people zipping along crowded sidewalks, using the pedestrians as a kind of fun obstacle course. It’s all fun and games until some pedestrian – without the benefit of eyes in the back of his or her head – turns suddenly into the path of a speeding bike. They are potential hazards to people who walk where they are supposed to be walking. Please don’t let these ignorant airheads drive cars!

4.   Talking on mobile phones while riding. It’s bad enough that people distract themselves with phones while driving cars (more on that in another post), but to try to talk on a phone and ride a bike at the same time is the ultimate in cycling idiocy. Let’s not even get into biking and texting! To keep yourself and others around you safe, you need TWO hands on the handlebars. As in cars, phone chats should be taboo while in motion; shouldn’t this just be common sense? Only an absolute pinhead would do this.

5.   Riding to the right of a bus that is discharging passengers. The bus pulls over to the curb at a bus stop. There is usually between one and two meters between the bus and the curb (on the right). The doors open (on the right). Passengers get off and others get on (on the right). And some bicyclist with the mental capacity of a retarded goldfish spins past the bus (on the right) precisely where the passengers are disembarking. I’ve seen one instance where a cyclist hit a woman getting off a bus. They would rather risk hurting a pedestrian than be bothered to check traffic and pass the bus on the left as they should. This surpasses idiocy; the appropriate word here begins with an “a” and ends with “hole.”

There… I feel better now.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, that last photo of the idiot talking on his phone is Alec Baldwin, who is a renowned moron for more reasons than can be related here.