Many years ago I ran
across something on the Internet called “Reason,
Season, Lifetime.” It was a popular little piece about how people come into
your life for different purposes: some for just a brief time (a reason), some
for a longer time (a season), and others for the rest of your life (a
lifetime).
You can still find it on the Net. There are hundreds of Internet “memes” out there with this saying,
accompanied by the advice that when you know which a person is, you’ll know
what to do with that person. To be honest, there are so many of them, that the sentiment has become rather cliche.
But “Reason, Season, Lifetime” had an impact
on me when I first read it because I mostly agreed with the premise, and I have often thought about
it over the years. I pulled it up recently from my old computer files and read
it again as part of my preparation to finally write the long-overdue third
installment of my topic about souls. I found that, while I still basically agree
with it, my interpretation had changed a bit from that rather simplistic original piece. So I decided to write a blog post reflecting my updated interpretation.
During our lives,
thousands of people pass in and out of our presence. Most just keep on going:
people on the street, in airports and shopping malls, on various modes of
public transport, etc. They are a sort of a background for what is happening in
our own lives, and each of them has their own life situations in which we are
just part of their backgrounds. But there are others who stand out from that background, who come into our lives in a more meaningful way.
A Reason
For each of us, there
are many, many people who come into our life circles for some specific reason.
It might be extremely small, like just to make us notice something, or to
give us a message or sign. Maybe they help us to see something about ourselves.
Maybe they come into our lives because we have some message for them or a small
purpose in their lives.
At the level of low
impact, maybe it’s someone who bumps into you in a coffee shop and causes you
to spill your pumpkin-spice latte. You get angry, but then later realize that your anger was
not a good reaction; you learn something, and perhaps you become better.
It could be a
coworker or other person whom you find to be sort of annoying. At some point,
maybe you get to thinking about why the person annoys you. Maybe the person
just has some personal problem, or maybe you are being too sensitive or
critical. Maybe you learn to be a little more tolerant.
It might be some
person who comes into your life one time, or regularly for some short period of
time, and brightens your day with his or her smile, laughter and upbeat
attitude. Such a person might make you forget about any troubles you have and
feel more positive.
The person’s reason
for coming into your life might be a little more substantial and the message more
important. But still, this person is not meant to have a big impact or remain
for a long time. Mission accomplished, he or she moves on. Or you do. And there
is no sadness or regret about it because there had been no special closeness.
I am sure that we
can all think of such people who are in our lives now or who came to us in the
past. We might not exactly see what the reason was, but if we think about it
for a bit, we can probably at least see that there was a purpose. These days, I
think most of my students are such people. Many of them have some "reason" for
me, and I no doubt have a reason to be in their lives, even if it is only
related to teaching them English.
A Season
Some of the most
memorable people in our lives are those who join us for a season. They come to
provide some measure of closeness: they might be close or even best friends for
some time, they might be special teachers or coaches, or they might be lovers.
“Seasons” come into
our lives for much more than to simply deliver a message or point us in a
particular direction. They become an important part of our lives for a time.
They might have an important lesson for us to learn, or maybe it is that person
who needs to learn something from us. It might be that our purpose in each
other’s lives is to learn something important together, perhaps through an adventure
or maybe just through sharing and relating with each other and helping each other grow.
I can think of many season people who have come and gone in my life. And I remember them fondly.
A season person might
show up at the right moment when we need someone special to comfort us or help
us get through a difficult time. Season people don’t show up in each other’s
lives by accident or random circumstance; they have some level of soul
connection. They know each other and probably interacted previously in past
lives. Maybe in a previous life they were lifetime people for each other, or
maybe they will be in a future life. They plan their meetings even before they are
born into the world.
But just as summer
turns to fall and then to winter, so too these season people are not permanent
in our lives. At some point, they leave because their purpose has been
fulfilled. Maybe something happens that causes one or both to become upset,
hurt or angry, and they drift apart. Maybe one or both simply loses interest in
the relationship after the purpose has been met. Or maybe one of them dies.
There is no fault or
blame when a season relationship ends, or at least there shouldn’t be. That’s
just how they are meant to be. But it is never easy to lose someone who has
become so close and meant so much. It can hurt.
One problem is that
very often we believe that the season person was meant to stay around for a
lifetime. This person is very important; you might come to rely on her or him
very much. As the friendship or relationship grows and intensifies, you trust
that this person will be with you always. You might get to a point where you
can’t imagine life without her or him. You might even be married and certainly
believe that it’s supposed to be a lifetime thing. But something happens, and
it ends.
One of the biggest
disappointments we can experience in life is when someone we were sure was a
lifetime, turns out to be a season. Meeting a lifetime person is one of the
greatest feelings we can have. We are filled with hope and comfort for the
future. We make expectations. And when it doesn’t work out the way we hoped, it
hurts – a lot. And that brings me to…
A Lifetime
I guess the lifetime
person is pretty easy to explain. This person stays with us until one or the
other dies, and we teach each other lifetime lessons. In our life’s mission to
learn, grow and improve, the lifetime people are the most important teachers we have.
Lifetime people are
parents and children, wives and husbands, other close relatives, and those
special friends who attach themselves to us at some point – and us to them –
and then never leave us. They are the people with whom we share our deepest
thoughts and feelings, or at least they should be. They are the people with whom
we make ourselves most vulnerable because we trust that they won’t
take advantage of that vulnerability or violate our trust.
Yes, I know –
violations of that trust or serious disagreements do happen sometimes, even
with a lifetime person. But the difference between the lifetime person and a
season is that the violation or disagreement with a season probably means the
end of the relationship; it is a sign that it's time for it to end.
But if such a
problem arises with a lifetime person, it doesn’t end the relationship; the connection between them is too strong to let it die so easily. The situation becomes a learning or growth opportunity, and the bond between the two people
can become even stronger. And in that strengthening, both individuals grow and
become better as well.
Lifetime people are
the most important of all. They are the special souls that we agree to find and
be with even before we are born. Often, they are the "soulmates" whom we share multiple lives with. Somehow, we are guided to each other, and we
recognize each other when we meet. And if our souls truly have that powerful
connection, we won’t let each other go.
As I mentioned
earlier, the hard part is knowing whether we have found a “season” or a
“lifetime.” In the beginning, they often seem the same. But the lifetime stands
the test of time; lifetime people refuse to quit on each other because they
know that they are meant to be together not just for this lifetime, but for
uncountable others.
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