It's a Mystery!

I just don’t understand what’s wrong with the local guys here.

Over the past three days, I’ve had the pleasure of having dinner or lunch with three amazing young women in their late 20s or early 30s. Each of them is beautiful, smart, funny, deep, and perhaps most important, each is a genuinely good person.

And each of them is single, which is the part that I don’t understand.

What in the world is wrong with the local guys that treasures such as these girls can go for so long without being discovered and “claimed”? Each of them is what we would call a “catch,” so why haven’t more guys been clamoring to cast their nets in these girls’ directions? I just don’t get it.

And it’s not just these three; they are just the tip of the iceberg. I know or have known so many girls here who should have guys worshiping at their altars and begging matrimony. In my close circle, these are just three of many. So again, I just don’t get it.

You might suggest, I suppose, that these girls are just very selective and – unlike a lot of women – are holding out for a man who is more than just “slightly better than a monkey.” And to be sure, being so selective suggests that in their hearts they know they are special – that they do have an understanding of their innate worth and know that they deserve the very best. But still, there must be plenty of guys around this city who are worthy of such women, can recognize how wonderful these girls are, and would do what it takes to make them part of their lives.

Some of these girls have expressed a certain amount of frustration and even sadness that they have gotten to the “thirtyish zone” and are still not hitched; they’re honest about it. And it saddens me when I see someone who dearly wants a family and is really a “catch,” but hasn’t been “caught” yet. This is all the more the case when I look around at the really bad ones who have started families, only to find turmoil and dysfunction in those families, much of which they create themselves.

On the other hand, I often hear some of these girls say things like, “Well, I am just really focused on work and my career, and I’m not ready for any permanent relationship anyway. So it’s all fine.”  Maybe so, but very often when we have encountered failure or frustration in something, we claim that we are really focused on something else simply as a cover. If something hasn’t worked out like we had hoped, it’s easier to just say that it wasn't important to us anyway.

But I can’t imagine anyone – especially an amazing woman like each of these friends of mine – NOT wanting to be loved, to have a partner she can rely on, open herself up to and be opened to in return, someone who would always be there for her when she needs it, but able to give her the freedom and support she needs to accomplish her own goals in life. I think almost all of us want a relationship in our lives that is like a safe, snug harbor from the stormy seas of life around us. We sometimes say that it doesn’t matter to us if we find ourselves alone, but I think that at some level – either close to the surface or deep inside – it does matter.

And it never has to come down to a choice between a relationship OR a career. The two are completely compatible. It only depends on the people involved. Those who really want it all and are ready to do the work can absolutely have it all.

For me, this is merely an observation. Unfortunately for me, I am too old to be anything more than a “friend” to girls such as these. So there’s not much I can do about it except to sincerely hope that each of these beautiful friends of mine eventually (but sooner, rather than later) finds precisely what she needs to be truly happy. Some others have, and I’ve been ecstatic for them.

But… I have to admit that when I spend time with some of these girls, look into their eyes, listen to them talk, and admire all the beauty they radiate – internally and externally – I find myself wishing that there was some way that I could be a much, much younger man. Then my only dilemma would be choosing which heart I would devote myself to winning. 

Well, actually it wouldn't be a dilemma; I DO know which it would be (but I'll never tell).

It’s a pity that the guys here who are in a position to do that “winning” don’t seem to realize what they are missing. If a burned-out old fart like me can see it so clearly, why can't they?

To me, it’s really a mystery.

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And so it Continues

Thursday, 9 June, 2016. I am just past the half-way point of this Colorado visit.  In less than a week, I’ll be on my way back to Ukraine. 

Jet lag has affected me a bit more than usual on this trip. It took me about four days before I could sleep pretty much through the night. And even now, I tend to wake up much earlier than I want; last night I woke up around 2 a.m. and was only able to doze from time to time until the alarm went off. I am sure that I’ll be fully acclimated by the time I fly back to Ukraine so that I can deal with the reverse jet lag all over again.

Hooray for Driving!

One of the things I look forward to the most whenever I visit the USSA is driving. I’ve written about the joy of driving several times in the past, especially in this post after a trip to Italy. On my past trips, I’ve had sedans like the Ford Fusion or Nissan Altima, but this time I have a Jeep Cherokee. The current version of the Cherokee is little more than a car. They call it a “crossover” SUV, but this thing could never go off road like the old Cherokee could. Still, it’s a little cooler than a standard sedan.

I don’t know how many miles I have put on the car during the past week, but it’s been a lot. One daughter lives more than an hour’s drive north of where I am staying, while the other lives about an hour south. Plus I tooled around in the mountains all day Monday. I’ve already refilled the gas tank twice. Still, driving is such a joy, that I don’t care how many miles I travel or how many gallons of gas I use. After this trip, I probably won’t drive again until the next time I return (or possibly in Western Europe).

The Lure of the Hills

On Monday, I took a drive up to visit old haunts in the high country. To me, the mountains are Colorado, not the Denver metro area. I drove by my old home in the mountain community of Bailey, but I wasn’t able to take a good look; the current owner was home and sitting out on the front porch. It was a bit disappointing to be able to do no more than just drive past the house.

Since I was already as far up as Bailey, I decided to go further and drive up to Kenosha pass, which is at an elevation of 10,000 feet and provides access into the large valley known as South Park (yes, the one made famous by the television cartoon). Even before I lived in Bailey, I used to camp and hike in a wilderness area just west of the pass.

Being in the mountains is always a high point for me. It’s what Colorado is all about. I got out of the car at several points, walked a bit, and just took in the feeling. If there is one thing that can really draw me back to Colorado, it’s being in the mountains. It’s a pity that I won’t have an opportunity to camp, enjoy sitting around a night campfire, and really live the mountain experience. Maybe next time.

Big America

Last weekend I went to two events where I was harshly reminded of why most of the world thinks of Americans as being grossly overweight. I am definitely overweight myself, but I saw a number of people at those events who made me feel positively skinny. I won’t get into insulting details about the people I saw, but several of them really amazed me – and not in a good way. And Colorado is consistently rated as the fittest state.

But it’s not like everyone is waddling around with the equivalent of an extra person attached. Although it’s clear that there are a lot of Americans who are very obese and in terrible physical shape, there are also many, MANY Americans who are extremely devoted to their health and nutrition. It depends on where you are and who is around you. While I did see a lot of out-of-shape people at the rodeo on Sunday, I saw far fewer yesterday in Boulder.

There is no doubt that some aspects of the American lifestyle – like driving everywhere, eating fast food, etc. – tend to create “bigger” and less healthy people. But there are plenty of people who take care of themselves too. Gyms and health clubs are big business, and there is a lot of awareness of health and fitness. And even beyond that, there are many who go the extra mile to develop themselves as top-flight athletes.

I attended a softball tournament on Saturday for girls 18 years old and under, and I was blown away by how good they were. They train, they practice, and they hone their natural talents. They are really dedicated to the sport and have an affinity for fitness that will serve them well all their lives.

Looking at Myself

For my part, seeing all those out-of-shape people over the weekend just reminded me of how badly I’ve treated my own body and how I don’t want to end up that far gone. I hope I still have a chance – at my advanced age – to pare off the pounds (or kilos) and keep myself in good enough shape to stay active for a few years longer. I know it’s possible.

To that end, I bought a sport watch yesterday. I needed a new watch anyway, and this seemed like a good way to go. I still have to learn all the ins and outs of it, but if it helps motivate me to move and work out, then it’s a good investment. I allowed myself too many “guilty pleasures” during my first week here, and I feel it. For the rest of my time here, I am shifting back: less eating and more moving. Yesterday was a good start – I began with cereal and blueberries and finished with a salad.

The City

Yesterday I drove into Denver to meet one of my daughters. I didn’t feel comfortable in the city. The heavy traffic on I-70 made me nervous, and once I got off the highway I felt like I was in a foreign place. I was in the north end of Denver, which is quite a bit different from the south suburban areas I’ve know for much of my time in the metro area. The streets and buildings are different, the people are different, the lifestyles are different, and the feeling is different.

I will delve into these differences more in a future post, but what it suggested to me is that I definitely would not want to live in the city. I know this to be true in Kharkiv too. I’ve grown accustomed to it, but not really happy.

I am a country boy, not a city person. If coming back to Colorado some day meant a return to a mountain community, closeness to nature, peace and quiet, etc., then it would be great. But if it was just replacing one city (Kharkiv) with another, it would make little difference. I would still be a fish out of water.

And fish die when they are out of water.

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