It's a Mystery!

I just don’t understand what’s wrong with the local guys here.

Over the past three days, I’ve had the pleasure of having dinner or lunch with three amazing young women in their late 20s or early 30s. Each of them is beautiful, smart, funny, deep, and perhaps most important, each is a genuinely good person.

And each of them is single, which is the part that I don’t understand.

What in the world is wrong with the local guys that treasures such as these girls can go for so long without being discovered and “claimed”? Each of them is what we would call a “catch,” so why haven’t more guys been clamoring to cast their nets in these girls’ directions? I just don’t get it.

And it’s not just these three; they are just the tip of the iceberg. I know or have known so many girls here who should have guys worshiping at their altars and begging matrimony. In my close circle, these are just three of many. So again, I just don’t get it.

You might suggest, I suppose, that these girls are just very selective and – unlike a lot of women – are holding out for a man who is more than just “slightly better than a monkey.” And to be sure, being so selective suggests that in their hearts they know they are special – that they do have an understanding of their innate worth and know that they deserve the very best. But still, there must be plenty of guys around this city who are worthy of such women, can recognize how wonderful these girls are, and would do what it takes to make them part of their lives.

Some of these girls have expressed a certain amount of frustration and even sadness that they have gotten to the “thirtyish zone” and are still not hitched; they’re honest about it. And it saddens me when I see someone who dearly wants a family and is really a “catch,” but hasn’t been “caught” yet. This is all the more the case when I look around at the really bad ones who have started families, only to find turmoil and dysfunction in those families, much of which they create themselves.

On the other hand, I often hear some of these girls say things like, “Well, I am just really focused on work and my career, and I’m not ready for any permanent relationship anyway. So it’s all fine.”  Maybe so, but very often when we have encountered failure or frustration in something, we claim that we are really focused on something else simply as a cover. If something hasn’t worked out like we had hoped, it’s easier to just say that it wasn't important to us anyway.

But I can’t imagine anyone – especially an amazing woman like each of these friends of mine – NOT wanting to be loved, to have a partner she can rely on, open herself up to and be opened to in return, someone who would always be there for her when she needs it, but able to give her the freedom and support she needs to accomplish her own goals in life. I think almost all of us want a relationship in our lives that is like a safe, snug harbor from the stormy seas of life around us. We sometimes say that it doesn’t matter to us if we find ourselves alone, but I think that at some level – either close to the surface or deep inside – it does matter.

And it never has to come down to a choice between a relationship OR a career. The two are completely compatible. It only depends on the people involved. Those who really want it all and are ready to do the work can absolutely have it all.

For me, this is merely an observation. Unfortunately for me, I am too old to be anything more than a “friend” to girls such as these. So there’s not much I can do about it except to sincerely hope that each of these beautiful friends of mine eventually (but sooner, rather than later) finds precisely what she needs to be truly happy. Some others have, and I’ve been ecstatic for them.

But… I have to admit that when I spend time with some of these girls, look into their eyes, listen to them talk, and admire all the beauty they radiate – internally and externally – I find myself wishing that there was some way that I could be a much, much younger man. Then my only dilemma would be choosing which heart I would devote myself to winning. 

Well, actually it wouldn't be a dilemma; I DO know which it would be (but I'll never tell).

It’s a pity that the guys here who are in a position to do that “winning” don’t seem to realize what they are missing. If a burned-out old fart like me can see it so clearly, why can't they?

To me, it’s really a mystery.

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