Ten Tips for Being Happy

For a number of years, I have had a conversation theme in my English classes about “Anxiety and Depression.”  It discusses some unhappy situations, but it ends with these 10 tips on how to be happy.  I thought it would be good to take it out of the conversation theme sheet and make it available to everyone.  Of course, there are lots of other “tips” for being happy, but these 10 are pretty good.

The basic premise is that most people are unhappy because they choose to be.  All they have to do is change their minds and learn some new habits, and their lives will change forever. 

Do you agree?  How many of these “10 Habits of Happy People” are part of your regular routine?

1.        Act happy – even if you don’t feel it.  Smiling, even during problems, can work wonders.  A smiling face will get more smiles from others, which in turn can help brighten your mood.  It doesn't mean to go around with a fake, plastic smile all the time, but learn to keep a genuine smile, even in the face of adversity.

2.        Enjoy the moment.  Happiness is not produced by great things happening but by recognizing all the little positive things that happen every day.  Too many people ignore the small good things that happen each day because they are too busy waiting for some big thing that will make them happy: a party on the weekend, a future vacation, a new car, etc.  But what about something as simple as waking up to sunshine, or being lucky enough to get a seat on the bus?  Don’t take these “minor” things for granted.

3.        Get a pet.  Stroking a cat or patting a dog has therapeutic, calming effects on a person.  A pet’s unconditional love can make a world of difference in your own spirit.  This really is one of the best.  We can get a little frustrated or angry at our pets sometimes, but they always come back to us for love.

4.        Take control of your time.  Happy people feel in control of their lives.  Set realistic goals for each day, and then be disciplined about how you allocate your time.  Some of us are terrible at time management, but the fact is that when you manage your time well and don’t procrastinate, you really do feel better.

5.        Get regular exercise.  When you exercise, your body produces chemicals that help to defeat depression and keep you feeling happier.  Exercise is fantastic!  Take it from someone who knows both sides.  It doesn't have to be super-strenuous either.  A good walk, a light bike ride, or even dancing can make you feel great.

6.        Get enough rest.  We all need quiet time for ourselves, and we all need sleep.  Make time to recharge your batteries so that you don’t feel exhausted so often.  Don’t sit at your desk glued to the Internet until 2 a.m., then get up at 7 and wonder why you don’t feel rested.  Get into a good sleep routine, and if you need a little nap on the weekend, go for it!

7.        Sing.  People who sing are happier.  The people who have to listen to them may not be so happy, but it’s your own happiness you are concerned with… so be a singer.  This really works!  It’s about the real changes in mood that sound vibrations can make.

8.        Feed your soul.  Studies have shown that religious or spiritual people are happier.  They cope better with crises and usually have a supportive, accepting community around them.  I basically concur with this, although I do think that one can fine a supportive community in other spheres as well.  But communing with your God – however you define it – is important.

9.        Make your close relationships a top priority.  Spending time in open communication with loved ones – or even just very close friends – can stop the feeling of isolation and loneliness.  This may also explain why happily married people live longer than single people.  We are meant to have close, regenerative relationships with other people.  It can be very difficult to keep the destructive winds of depression at bay when you are alone.

10.   Get away!  Spend time in nature, away from the rush and noise of the city or town.  Spend at least a few hours a week in the countryside, in a forest, or by the sea.  To me, there is no better place than a forest (especially a Colorado mountain forest) to give you a sense of peace and to buoy you with positive energy.

A License to Steal

Imagine how it would be if TV’s Tony Soprano and his Mafia crew had police badges. When they shake down a business (extort money by making it difficult or impossible for the business to operate until it pays off Tony and his thugs) it would be “within the law” because they have badges that say so. 

What’s more, imagine that the law itself is corrupt enough to give the Sopranos all the leeway they need to run such a “legal” extortion racket. And even worse, imagine that the local judges who sign the orders allowing Tony to conduct “criminal investigations” into the victim companies are part of the scam.

To most Europeans, Americans, Canadians and just about anyone else in the West, this would seem too far-fetched to be anything other than a plot for a movie set in some bizarre alternative reality. In Ukraine, however, it IS reality. The real Anthony Soprano could be Anton Sopranchenko – a Ukrainian thug with a badge.

The Mask Shows

Twice in the past two years (since the Russia-supported Yanukovich regime took power) one the top software development companies in Kharkiv has been raided by Ukraine’s Tax Police. And this is happening to companies all over Ukraine. They force their way into a company’s offices, usually wearing black masks and carrying automatic rifles, intimidate and threaten innocent employees, and confiscate computers and other equipment. Worse still, they often go through individual employees' desks and other places to outright steal whatever they can find. Then they prevent the company from doing its work until the company agrees to make a substantial payment.

The idea of a police force is to protect citizens, and businesses, from the unscrupulous actions of criminals. But in Ukraine the police – especially the dubious "tax police" – ARE the criminals... just mafia with badges. 

They make such raids on companies with alarming regularity. Ukraine is a very difficult place for honest people to try to start or run a business.  If you don’t play ball with the “authorities,” you won’t be in business for long. 

And it has gotten worse since the current Yanukovich government came to power in 2011. Yanukovich is a simple thug whose early years were spent as a common criminal and who grew to prominence as part of the Russia-leaning Party of Regions, which has always harbored a large criminal element. He lost out to Viktor Yushchenko in the rerun of the 2004 presidential election when a court confirmed that he had "won" the initial count only through widespread fraud. People have really never liked him since, but Yushchenko did such a poor job running the country that Yanukovich was able to win in 2010 (although the validity of that election has been in question as well).

Why Bother?

It is no wonder that Western companies have lost their appetite for investing or opening branches in Ukraine. A number of foreign companies that came here during earlier governments have given up and left.  Even though there is a great potential market here for many kinds of goods and services, the government corruption makes it too difficult to operate. Last year alone several European banks quit Ukraine and closed their holdings here. No one wants to try to make a living in a place where criminals have the power of government authority behind them.

Software development companies have thrived here, owing to the relatively low cost of outsourcing work here, compared with doing similar work in the West. But even these companies have their limits, and it would be a disaster if they began to pull up stakes and leave for countries where they aren’t robbed by criminal officials.

It’s one of the clearest indications of just how horribly corrupt this country remains. Even as the government makes empty platitudes to the EU about fighting corruption, reforming the judiciary, and making it possible for businesses to operate fairly and without fear, the sickening beat of corruption goes on. The reform talk is just a pack of lies, and the EU seems to be willing to accept it (which does not say much for the EU).

Not Ready for (European) Prime Time

For its part, the EU has been blustering about Ukraine’s need to speed up reforms before it will sign the Association Agreement they have been negotiating with Ukraine for the past several years. A number of EU leaders do seem to be concerned about letting a corrupt Ukraine become even an associate of the EU (and certainly not a real member). But there are those who seem willing to look past the travesty here for the sake of the EU’s geopolitical rivalry with Russia. They fear that Yanukovich's close ties to Putin, and the latter's ability to intimidate the dull-minded Ukrainian president, will result in Ukraine joining a Russian-led economic pact. This is something most Ukrainians do NOT want.

But the European view is also naive. The current administration has no real interest in fixing the problems that exist in places like Kharkiv and ridding the courts and police forces of the lowbrow knuckle-draggers who use their authority to prey on citizens; these, after all, are the core minions of Yanukovich's power. If the EU can’t exert enough pressure on Ukraine to make some real progress against the endemic corruption, then Ukraine really has no hope.

They say that people get the government they deserve. I love the Ukrainian people, but sadly, they do in fact have the government they deserve. They stood up against rigged elections in 2004 (with some help from Western operatives, I suspect), but sadly, the Yushchenko administration that took power after the Orange Revolution was a complete disappointment and their spirit of reform was crushed. Too many Ukrainians were left with the depressing feeling that there is no one they can really believe in or trust. 

Until Ukrainians find the conviction and determination to demand better and make it happen, it will continue to be a place in which Anton Sopranchenko and his thugs with badges will continue to enrich themselves at the expense of everyone else.

An Uncertain Future

When I first came to Ukraine, the country seemed open and welcoming to foreigners, not only at the level of regular people – which it still is – but also at the official government level.  Lately, it seems that the government is becoming less and less welcoming of foreigners, and depending on what happens on the international political front this year, it may become downright unfriendly to those of us from other countries who have chosen to be here.

I wrote recently that I had been wondering whether my time in Ukraine was coming to an end.  That was more about myself and whether I needed a change.  But as I survey the current political landscape here, I wonder if this may be a decision that will be made for me by others.

I first came to Ukraine in March of 2006 for a two-week visit.  At that time, the country was about a year or so into a new, more liberal visa regime for visitors from most Western countries.  It had become the first former Soviet republic to allow North Americans, Western Europeans, Australians, Japanese and similar folks to come for a 90-day visit with no visa at all.  Previously, you had to have an invitation and a visa, just as still exists in Russia and the other former republics.

This was a move by the pro-Western Yushchenko government to make it easier for Western tourists and business people to come here – and to bring their capital with them.  It was a smart move.  Even though those countries still maintained high visa barriers for Ukrainians visiting their countries, the Ukrainian government at that time recognized that it was to Ukraine’s advantage to make it easier for Westerners to come here and thus strengthen ties with the richer countries of the world.  They saw tourists spending money and foreign companies investing in the country.

So, many came - including me.  I got a five-year business visa so that, ostensibly, I would not have to keep going out every 90 days.  It turned out that a 90-day border run was still necessary, but the visa did keep me from having to stay out for 90 days before I could return.  Things worked pretty well until last year.

Under the Yanukovych government, immigration laws have changed considerably.  Foreigners can still visit for 90 days without a visa, but everything else has been made more difficult, and I am not so sure how long the 90-day regime will last.  Particularly, if the planned Association Agreement with the European Union is not successfully signed this year, it seems likely that Ukraine will join a Russian-led Customs Union, which might effectively close the door on such openness toward the West.

In the past months I have been engaged in a process of trying to secure a one-year work and residency permit, which would allow me to stay and work officially here without having to leave the country every 90 days.  But it is a bureaucratic nightmare because of recent changes in the law.  I don’t expect to see completion of this until March at the earliest, possibly not until April or May.  

And my 45-minute “interview” with immigration agents at Kyiv’s Borispyl Airport when I was on my way out of the country last month was an ominous sign.  Taken together, it definitely feels like Ukraine is (officially) becoming less friendly to foreigners.  So, what will happen?  Good question – who knows?

Most in Ukraine want the country to complete the Association Agreement with the EU.  One popular benefit of this would be to allow Ukrainians to travel to Europe without a visa.  And there would be a number of other economic benefits, which in total would pull Ukraine closer to the European sphere of influence and away from Russia. 

It seems like a no-brainer.  But “no-brainer” pretty much describes the current Ukrainian president, so there is no telling what the government will do.

While most people, including many in the government and the uber-rich "oligarchs," would benefit from a closer relationship with Europe, there are many in the government who would prefer to join Russia, Belarus and Kazakhstan in the Customs Union.  And Russia has been putting enormous pressure on Ukraine to do this.  One of Moscow's key weapons is the fact that Russia supplies Ukraine with almost all of its energy resources, and the Kremlin uses this as a hammer over Kyiv.

On the European side, there is a growing reluctance to let Ukraine join the European party because this country has not shown that it is ready to BE a European country and operate according to European rules.  Ukraine is a terribly corrupt place: according to Transparency International's 2012 Corruption Perception Index, it ranks 144th out of 176 countries in terms of honesty and openness in government and other institutions.  Corruption is the rule at every level of administration and government, most notably in the police, courts and the tax system. 

The Yushchenko government promised to clean up corruption, but they accomplished little.  And although the Yanukovych government also claims to be committed to reform things and clean up the corruption, it has actually gotten worse since he took office in 2010.  There is no dependable rule of law here.  Police, judges and others operate according to who can pay the highest bribes.  And key leaders of the political opposition have been jailed after rigged trials.  It’s a system that Europe wants no “association” with.

But Europe also does not want to “lose” Ukraine to Russian influence.  So although things stink here, many in Brussels are prepared to hold their noses and let Ukraine in anyway, just to keep this huge country from falling permanently into a Russian bear hug.

So where does that leave expats like me?  Well, it certainly leaves me uncertain about the future.  While I feel at home here among my friends, students and others, I feel increasingly uneasy about government attitudes and policies.  I fear that Ukraine may force my hand before long and give me no alternative but to give up and return to the USSA… where there is another government that makes me feel increasingly uneasy about its attitudes and policies.

Hmm… I wonder how things are going in New Zealand.

Signs

A lot has been happening during this visit to the USSA, and much of it has not been as good as I had hoped.  The events and situations that have arisen have had me looking very seriously at whether they are signs that I need to pay attention to, signs with messages about what I should or shouldn't do in the future.  Specifically, I've been thinking about my future in Ukraine.  It’s something I've been considering a lot the past days.

I believe strongly that the universe (or God, if you prefer) sends us signs and messages to help us find and navigate the right paths for ourselves.  I was not always so aware of this, but in the mid-1990s, I started to understand that what we often take as odd “coincidences” are almost always signs intended to help us know which way to go.

Similarly, people come into our lives with messages for us.  Sometimes, these are people who play a significant role, teaching us something we need to learn, helping us discover something important about ourselves, or just being a necessary source of support and confidence.  More often, however, it is the people who just sort of pass through our lives who have some of the most important messages for us.  But we rarely notice – unless we've learned to be more observant and aware.

Signs can come in the form of situations that either work out or don’t.  Signs can be songs on the radio that express a certain sentiment or idea that relates to what’s happening in your life.  A sign can be a book that happens to come into your hands at the right time to tell you something you need to know or consider.  It can be an animal that appears to you, either in real life or in a dream, and represents some knowledge, idea or value.  Signs can come to us in many ways in many forms.

This presents two problems.  On the one hand, a person might just not pay attention, not be aware, and not take advantage of the help that the universe tries to give.  But on the other hand, a person might go a little crazy trying to figure out which things are really relevant signs and which don’t apply.  Sometimes, if we don’t keep things in perspective, we can miss the real signs and let something less take us off on a tangent.

I think I am going through this now.  I've generally been pretty good at seeing the real signs and not falling for the bad actors.  But I know that I've made mistakes.  The path that led me to Ukraine was unmistakable: it has been extremely clear in retrospect but was also pretty easy to see as things were unfolding.

Often, you start to feel sort of "stale" in a situation and find yourself looking for signs to tell you whether it is time to end the situation and move on.  But the signs could be trying to suggest how to liven up the situation and make it better – not to move on.  A problem is that we often decide ahead of time which path we think we really want, and so we only acknowledge things we think are signs that support that choice. 

This often happens in relationships: the signs might be strong that you should go one way – perhaps try to initiate a new relationship or end an unfulfilling one – but even though you know intuitively that the signs are right, you are – for any of a variety of reasons – afraid to take the action they suggest.

Anyway, I have been finding myself looking much more closely at things lately and trying to decide if the universe is trying to tell me something. 

Frankly, in the latter half of 2012, I was really looking seriously at whether my time in Ukraine was coming to an end.  I enjoyed my teaching work, of course, but not a lot else was giving me much enjoyment.  Life was becoming stale, and maybe even a little frustrating.  Some things that I felt I really need in life just were not happening, and it started to feel like I was probably coming to the end of the Ukraine period of my life.

Then one of my client companies suggested working in a more official way.  Things came together on the idea of getting official residency and work permits, and it all seemed to make sense.  It seemed like a pretty clear sign to make at least another year's commitment to Ukraine.  But one thing bothered me: it was going to cost at least $1,000 to go through the process.  Sort of a bad sign.

I left on my trip for some family events and to apply for the visa I need for the residency/work permits.  That’s when it all started to go downhill.  First, my flight to Kiev was two hours late, which was not a big deal in and of itself, but in retrospect, it fit with everything else.  It was the first little bad sign of the trip.

I had to stand out in the cold wind at Borispol waiting for a car to take me to the overnight hotel near the airport.  It was supposed to be there to meet me, but was more than 30 minutes late.  I was freezing when it finally showed up.  The hotel was terrible, and I never slept at all before it was time to shower and head back to the airport for an early flight.  Another early sign?

That’s when it really started getting bad.

At passport control, the agent did not like something in my passport and took me to an “interview” room where he and another agent asked me a bunch of questions about the stamps in my passport.  They told me I had illegal stamps and that it was “very bad” for me.  I told them I was going back to apply for a new visa and obtain the residency permit.  Eventually, they let me go (without paying anything), but it was an ominous sign.

In Boston, my rental car turned out to be almost twice the cost as advertised.  The money hemorrhaging was beginning.  It was a bad dollar sign.

I had sent an email to the Ukrainian consulate in San Francisco a week earlier, but had never received a response.  I needed some additional information that was not on their Web site.  On Friday, my first full day in Massachusetts, I called the consulate to try to get an answer.  No one answered.  I called other consulates as well as the embassy in Washington.  No one answered.  But I HAD to get my application package – with my passport – off to the consulate that day.  So I did, but my biggest concern was getting my passport back in time for my return trip to Ukraine.  The fact that I had to send the package off without the information I needed was a troublesome sign.

That evening, I started getting more severe pain in my lower back and hip than usual.  Saturday morning, I could hardly walk at all.  I spent the weekend on a sofa, barely able to walk.  I’ll write another post about the pain, but it was the worst and most prolonged I can remember.  A painful sign.

On Monday, I had to fly to Denver.  The fact that I was in severe pain didn't matter, I had to fly.  I had to make my way through three different airports before I finally got my rental car in Denver and drove to a hotel in Boulder.  At times, it was agony.

In Denver, my rental car turned out to be almost twice the cost as advertised.  The money hemorrhaging was continuing.  More bad dollar signs.

I needed to find some important documents for apostille, necessary for my residency permit application in Ukraine.  They were not in my stored things.  This meant that I was going to have to go to several different cities to get the official documents, and then take them to a state office in Denver for the apostille.  But I had no time to do it until the next week.  It seemed like more and more signs were popping up to tell me that I should quit Ukraine.

Meanwhile, several days had gone by, and I was still suffering from the back and hip pain.  It turned out to be sciatica: a pinched sciatic nerve.

On Friday, I received a return package from the consulate in San Francisco.  They did not process my visa application because a particular document was missing.  This was a document that my client company was supposed to get from a Ukrainian government office.  I can only get it in Ukraine.  It was good to get my passport back, but the fact I didn't have the visa seemed like a strong sign that perhaps I am not supposed to go for the residency/work permit.

Over the weekend, the Denver Broncos – the number one team in the American Football Conference – were upset in their playoff game by the team from Baltimore.  That was a bad sign, and it would have been worse if I cared about football the way I used to.

Next, I discovered that the most important document I needed to get – my university diploma – would take three weeks to process.  I needed it done within three days.  It seemed like I had run out of luck.  There was no way I’d be able to get the document in time and no way I’d be able to get the permit. It seemed like a stop sign. 

But I tried anyway.  I called the university records office, and the woman there could not have been nicer.  She made the necessary arrangements to get me the document the same day.  So yesterday I drove two hours up to Fort Collins to get the document.  Not only was I successful at the university, but I was also successful at a county office where I needed another document.  What’s more, I was able to make a bank deposit, renew my Colorado driver’s license and buy some “Yaktrax” devices to help me avoid slipping on icy sidewalks.

So, Monday seemed like a day of positive signs. 

Of course, I will be returning to Ukraine at the end of the week.  Even if I had made a choice to move on from my life there – which I have not – I would have to return to take care of affairs there.  But there are still things coming up that may have some bearing on everything.  You never know what may happen during a series of flights, and the biggest hurdle will be going through passport control again in Kiev.  I hope there won’t be any problems getting back into the country.

If all goes well, I’ll continue the process of getting the residency/work permits.  If it goes smoothly, then I guess all these things that have been happening will not have been such big signs.  But the thing about signs is that they often come up to prevent you from making a mistake. 

But signs are not something that you can itemize, quantify, analyze and then make some kind of logic-based choice.  They affect you at an intuitive or emotional level, not in a logical way.  So, as always, my decisions will have to come from my gut… from how I feel about everything.  And at the moment, I really don’t know.

It would be nice to have something happen that would make everything perfectly clear.  But it never seems to work that easily.

Odds and Ends -- 13 December 2012

Odds and ends.  A little of this and a little of that.  A nice way to say, “I don’t have a good, single idea to write about, but I have a lot of various little thoughts, so I’ll just put them together and call it a blog post.” 

Maybe it’s a lazy way to keep the blog current, but I haven’t been able to coalesce one of my bigger ideas into a cogent piece of writing that actually makes sense, so here it is.  Besides, I wanted to be sure I got at least one more post published before the world ends next week.

The Spirit is Willing, but the Body?  Well, not so much.

I wrote a little while back about going to a tango class and about how dreadful I felt about it.  Still, I was determined to keep trying.  Well, that determination still lives inside; however, my body has not been cooperative.  For a number of weeks now, I’ve been dealing with some really severe back pain, so dancing is just not in the equation at the present. 

On the plus side, I’ve hardly noticed any aching at all in my ankles or knees.  Oh, I’m sure it’s still there, but the signals get blocked on their way to my brain by the heavy traffic emanating from my lower back.  It seems the sciatic nerve and lower vertebrae have priority in the pain communication system.

I visited a doctor here about a month or more ago, and he was dreadful.  I was anticipating a master chiropractor, but instead he just looked at my feet, told me to walk straighter, then proceeded to pummel my legs and butt.  The bruises lasted for a week, but that’s about all the results I received.  Maybe I’ll find a good chiro when I visit the U.S. next month.

Getting back to dance in 2013 is still a strong intention.  Once I fix a few ancillary issues, I’m going to give it another try.

The Trip is Set

I’ve finalized all the details of my U.S. trip in January.  The last parts were to book a couple of hotel overnights and get past the inadequacies of United Airlines’ Web site to make seat selections on my Lufthansa flights.  A quick call to Lufthansa took care of that.

I’ll certainly be glad to say goodbye to United Airlines.  The only downside is that when I fly again, I’ll be starting from scratch with regard to miles on a new airline: KLM.  But, you have to start somewhere.

The one thing I am NOT looking forward to is driving rental cars in Massachusetts and Colorado in January.  I just hope they'll have he sense to put winter tires on those things.

A bigger question I've been considering lately is whether the Ukrainian immigration authorities will let me back into the country.  They've been tightening the laws, and I am not sure the way I've been doing things will continue to work.  So...

Getting Legal

My immigration status in Ukraine has become a major concern lately.  I have been intending to adjust my status for some time now so that I can have the kind of temporary residence status that won’t require me to leave the country every 90 days or pay some money for passport stamps when the time is up.  I’ve been worrying that sooner or later the immigration authorities here might deny me reentry into the country.  Then I’d really be in deep do-do.

Recently, one of my client companies upped the ante by telling me that, starting in January, they will only be able to pay me if I have full official working status in the country.  So I've been digging into the immigration law, trying to understand all the recent changes and see just what the best path is for me to follow. 

National laws are never easy to understand (politicians do this deliberately), but the immigration laws of Ukraine are especially difficult.  It’s like whoever wrote them had drunk a whole bottle of vodka and then been punched in the head by Vitaliy Klitchko before they started writing.  It’s a pain to try and understand it all.  But I’m making progress.

To be honest, however, I have to say that this exercise has made me really pause to think harder about whether I should stay here, or whether the time has come to go back and figure out how to make a go of it in the USSA.  Overall, I’d have to say that Ukraine still wins – I mean I do have a niche here, doing something I really enjoy and am good at, that I would never have back in America – but I do have my doubts, and I don't have any strong relationship ties here. 

Most Ukrainians I know can’t understand why anyone from America or Europe would actually WANT to stay here.  And that sentiment often makes me question my motives too.  I have a lot of thinking to do, and not much time to do it.  Perhaps some great opportunity will reveal itself to me during my January trip and answer my questions.  But, that didn't happen during my 2011 trip, so I’m not holding my breath.

Stay tuned!

Oh, Those Silly Politicians!

The part of America that sits between Canada and Mexico was recently subjected to a bruising election.  The Obamsheviks squeaked by, and the Republicants basically held serve in the House.  Libertarians did a lot better than usual, meaning their presidential candidate, Gary Johnson, actually garnered more than a million votes nationwide.  Of course, that’s a drop in the bucket and doesn't mean much. 

Now the federal government has settled back into its usual game of rewarding all its favored constituencies: big labor, big business and themselves, while giving everyone else the shaft.  We hear the usual divisive, idiotic, over-the-top rhetoric from the same lame party leaders, while the debt piles up and the country careens toward fiscal calamity.  It’s all so boring.

Perhaps the USSA government should try the Ukrainian model: fistfights and nude protesters!

As we've seen countless times before, the opening session of the Ukrainian parliament, called the Verkhovna Rada, erupted into a pandemonium of pushing, shoving and punches.  It’s become so normal here that people just expect it.  But, believe me, no one I know is proud of it at all – it’s an embarrassment. 

And to complete the sideshow, the opening session was also greeted with protests from Ukraine’s Femen protest group.  These are women who go bare breasted to draw attention to their grievances.  They DO get attention, so it apparently works.

Frankly, I think a little fisticuffs in the USSA Congress would really liven things up.  I’d love to see Alan West go at it with any of his counterparts on the socialist side.  And how about a no-holds-barred cat fight between Nancy Pelosi and, perhaps, Kristi Noem?  And over on the Senate side, I’d love to see anyone take a shot at Chuck Schumer. 

Oh well… while American politics will probably never be as entertaining as in Ukraine, the results of the politicians’ “work” will certainly be just about as worthless.

So… that’s enough “Odds and Ends” for now.  The glass and a half of wine I had a while ago gave me a creativity spurt, but now it’s just made me tired.

The Joy of Making Travel Arrangements

Traveling is fun.  Traveling is interesting. 

But making travel arrangements is a tedious drag.

For the past few weeks, I've been working on my travel arrangements for a January trip to the U.S.  I've been checking different sites, on different days and at different times, looking for the best options.  I've felt wedded to United Airlines because, since they consumed Continental Airlines, that’s where all my award miles are.  But I don’t like United Airlines.  I think they've become too cheap and passenger-unfriendly… like a flying bus service.

Continental was better, and it seems that the new, merged operation has inherited precious little that was better about Continental.  One of the things I miss the most is the ability to fly on KLM as a partner airline.  Sure, United has a relationship with Lufthansa, which is a pretty fair airline, but I like KLM better.

But when you have a large investment of miles in a particular mileage program, it is a strong motivator to keep using that airline.  You have to admit that the whole concept of mileage plans is one of the cleverest marketing ploys ever.

When you fly a lot, you realize there are a lot of things to take into consideration to have the best experience (as much as possible, at least) and avoid those little things that can make it go badly.  You look closely at departure and arrival times, which airports they want to route you through, how much time they give you for connections, what planes you'll fly on, and what opportunities you'll have to select decent seats.  That's a lot to process.

To get a halfway decent price, United wanted me to spend 19 hours sitting on my hands in Frankfort (an airport I don't particularly like), then rush through immigration, customs, security recheck, etc. in two hours or less at my first U.S. stop.  How on Earth can the airline systems suggest an itinerary with only an hour or an hour and a half connection time at a busy major airport when you have to go through all of that?  They’re insane!

To get more convenient arrangements, the prices skyrocketed.  And when I compared these results to what I might find on the "cheapo" sites, where they offer all airlines, the prices were not substantially better for similar arrangements.  And also, there was the matter of those award miles!

So, after countless checking and comparison, taking all factors into consideration, and running the numbers, I finally made a decision.  I decided to just cash in all my United miles and do my flights as business-class award flights.  I wound up buying two separate itineraries: one between Kiev and Boston, and the second between Boston and Denver.  This will pretty much clear out my balance with United, leaving just a few thousand miles in the pot.  

I feel relieved.  With my divorce from United, I'll be free to look around at better-looking alternatives, without feeling the guilt of "cheating" on my airline.  Next time I fly long-distance, I’ll start a new relationship directly with KLM.  I've already applied for a mileage program marriage.  I mean, what the heck… I’m more or less a European now anyway.

So now I can spend a weekend with family in Taunton and then go on to Colorado to visit family and friends and enjoy the big celebration on January 11^th.  I haven’t booked my rental cars yet, but the prices, both in Boston and Denver, seem pretty reasonable.  But that's more time on the computer, checking and comparing, before finally making the bookings.

The only downside to my itinerary is that I’ll have to book an overnight hotel stay near the Kiev airport before my 05:55 flight out (yes, that is early in the dark morning).  And I’ll have to book another overnighter in Boston between my arrival from Denver and departure back to Europe.  Yikes!  More checking and booking.

As I said, it can get complicated.

And I’m still trying to decide the best way to get between Kharkov and Kiev.  I’ll probably fly – which will create yet a third flight itinerary – but my return baggage weight has me a little leery about this.  But I’d sure like to avoid taking the train.

Sometimes I think making the travel arrangements is more tiring than actually taking the trip.

Oh well… at least it’s all coming together, and I can look forward to my next visit to the USSA… in January… cold… snow… driving.  Oh, what fun that will be.

Beware of the Dance Floor Hazard

The other day, to appease the continual urging of a friend, I dragged my ponderous carcass out to a tango dance class.  There were forwards and backwards and lefts and rights, but mostly there were ups and downs.

Those who know me are aware that I used to be a fairly good dancer.  I spent several years (and a lot of green) at an Arthur Murray studio in Denver perfecting my style in swing dances (triple-time, West-Coast, hustle), Latin dances (rumba, cha-cha, samba, bolero) and waltz.  Occasionally we dabbled in things like foxtrot, American tango, salsa and country two-step. 

We had amateur competitions – Showcases – where we competed in the standard dances and where many of us did special “show dances” that we had choreographed and practiced for months.  I raked in quite a collection of blue ribbons (first place).  I was pretty good.

But that was a long time ago.  A lot has changed.  And that was made abundantly clear to me this week.

Age has caught up with me and injected nasty little aches into many of my moving parts.  And this has been exacerbated by my own penchant the past few years to eat a lot of crap and then let it settle into the most unseemly places while I spend hours in front of this very computer becoming one with my chair.  The extra pounds (or kilos, if you prefer) do not seem to help with anything at all.

Now, Argentine tango is pretty different from the Latin dances I used to do.  It consists of graceful, flowing motions, as opposed to the active movements of cha-cha, samba, salsa, etc.  In a lot of ways, rumba comes close, but it still has a lot of differences.  But tango IS a dance, so there are some things that are constant: you need rhythm, you need to stay on the balls and toes of your feet, you need to keep your weight shifting from foot to foot and not be “planted” on both feet, and you need balance.

I had problems with all of those things.  It was not a pretty sight.

My lack of balance was particularly upsetting, and I attribute this mainly to the weight I am carrying.  I remember my balance being quite good in the old days of dancing.  Balancing on one leg in certain positions and steps was never a problem.  I remember of my choreographed show routines in which I came up from a dip on just one leg while supporting the weight of my partner as well.  It was perfect.

Can’t do anything like that now.  Even with just my own weight, I’d topple over.

I can tell that my leg strength has really diminished, which also has to be contributing to the balance problem.  I've had lower-back, knee and ankle problems in recent years, which certainly don’t help.  It makes it hard to be on my toes and support myself on one leg at a time, and this throws off my balance.  When I am firmly planted on both feet (with at least 18 inches between them), I feel reasonably confident that I can stay upright – even on a marshrutka (local bus).  But anything less than that can be hazardous.

To make matters even worse, it was warm in the studio and I was sweating like a nervous pig in the hot sun… after eating green chili.  That was pretty embarrassing.

And worse still – it’s a dance studio, so there were big mirrors around the place.  Nowhere to hide.

So, what to do?  For a while, I had a feeling that I had made a huge mistake going to the class, that I was just making a fool of myself and should accept that the mojo is gone.  But I don’t think I am going to give up so easily.  I’ve been doing a lot of that for the past four or five years, and I’m rather tired of it.

This is not going to be easy.  But maybe that’s why I really need to stay with it.  PerhapsI can use this as a kind of turning point.  Maybe it will help me to turn around some other things as well.  If nothing else, it can’t hurt… unless I fall and break something.

I am going to work on this and give it a chance.  It seems like it might be good medicine.  Stay tuned!

Survival of the Worthless

The place: a cave somewhere in a land that will someday be known as the Islamic Republic of France.

The year and month: 29,485 B.C., month of the first melting.

The day and time: day of the tree god, approximately 22 minutes after the daily death of the sun.

The situation: a suburban Cro-Magnon couple, Fredron and his wife Wilmamakh, are discussing their child’s future.

Wilmamakh:  Freddie, I am very worried about our son, Moron.

Fredron:       Arrgghhh… Moron is not my son.  I still think you shared the blanket with that Neanderthal-faced idiot, Bidenak, that time when I was gone hunting for two weeks.

Wilmamakh: I’ve told you until I’m blue in the face that nothing happened with Bidenak.  It was very, very cold and he just kept me warm.  Clintonakh was under the same blanket, and he has told you also that nothing happened.

Fredron:       You expect me to believe Clintonakh?  He would do it with a dead pig.  Maybe they’re both responsible for Moron.

Wilmamakh:  You have no room to talk.  I know that when you go out on those long hunting trips, you and your friends sometimes slip into one of the Neanderthal camps for a little recreation.  So how many hairy little hybrids are carrying around some of your genes, huh?  That’s even more disgusting than dead pigs!

Fredron:       All right, all right… enough!  I thought you wanted to talk about our, I mean your worthless kid.

Wilmamakh:  Yes.  I am worried.  I mean, Moron is past the age to become a man, find a purpose in life, and start his own family, but he still lives with us.  I am 32 summers old, and I still have no grandchildren.  It’s embarrassing.  What are we going to do about him?

Fredron:       Do?  We should have left him out for the wolves when we first realized how worthless he is.  He HAS no purpose, and he never will.  The kid is the worst hunter the tribe has ever seen. 

                   I was never as embarrassed with the guys as when we took him out on the hunt with us.  The first time he saw a mammoth, he screamed and ran.  And the kid would not shut up.  I mean just as we were sneaking up on some horses, Moron would start jabbering about how his feet hurt, and the horses would hear him and run away.  And he can’t throw a spear more than 10 arm lengths, even with a spear thrower.

                   So I thought that if he can’t hunt, maybe there was something else he could do.  I sent him to Grummonon the spear-maker to teach him how to make spear points, but he was a failure at that.  Grummy said that Moron ruined all the flint rocks and had no talent for making points.  And he complained about cutting his hands on the rocks.

Wilmamakh:  Yes, this is what I mean.  And remember when we sent him to Dalaila the shaman to learn how to speak with the spirits and heal the sick?  I never saw Dali so angry.

Fredron:       Of course he was angry, he discovered that your son was stealing the secret meditation herbs, sharing some of it with the local girls and selling the rest to the Neanderthals.  To the Neanderthals!

Wilmamakh:  Oh, that was embarrassing.  At the sacrifice ritual, Dalaila told everyone what a bad son we had and demanded that we pay two extra rhino roasts to appease the mountain god.

Fredron:       Exactly!  And then there was the time we asked Normonakh the rock painter to teach Moron how to paint pictures on the cave walls.  You remember how that turned out!

Wilmamakh:  Yes, I know.  He just has no talent for art.  The only animal he can draw is a rabbit, and his people all look like a combination of sticks.  Not everyone can be a cave painter.

Fredron:       He has no talent for anything.  And the worst thing was hearing that he became terrified when Normonakh tried to take him down to the deep rooms of the cave.  Our… I mean your son, crying!

Wilmamakh:  Well… he’s just more in touch with his feminine side than most boys.

Fredron:       Arrgghhh!  Feminine side... yeah, like when we tried to get him an apprenticeship with Carvakh, the best butcher in the tribe.  I thought that maybe if he became good at butchering the animals we kill, he would at least have some useful purpose.  But he faints at the sight of blood.

Wilmamakh:  There must be something he can do.

Fredron:       Like what?  He can’t hunt, he can’t make weapons, he can’t butcher meat, he can’t paint, he steals from the shaman and the spirits won’t communicate with him.  He is even too lazy to go with the women to gather plants and dig for roots.  You try to show him where to look, but he constantly says he can’t find any.

Wilmamakh:  I know.  Even our girls can do that.  There has to be something he can do?

Fredron:       Maybe he should become a cave checker.

Wilmamakh:  A cave checker? 

Fredron:       Yes, you know.  When we find a new cave, we send him in first to check it out and make sure there are no problems… like bears or lions.  It’s a short career, but at least he would have a purpose.

Wilmamakh:  No!  I won’t let my son be sent into a cave to be eaten.  There must be something else for him.  He must have some unique talent.

Fredron:       The only thing he knows how to do well is to avoid real work and to lie.  I have never seen anyone who can lie like him.  And he seems to know how to make people believe him, especially the young girls.  But that’s partly due to teaching them how to smoke the shaman’s herbs.  He is worthless!  He has nothing productive to offer the tribe.

Wilmamakh:  Wait a minute… that’s it!  He DOES have a talent.

Fredron:       What talent?

Wilmamakh:  Lying.  He is a great at telling untruths and making people believe they are true.  So there IS a career path for him!  In fact, there are two paths

Fredron:       You don’t mean…

Wilmamakh: Yes!  Public relations... or politics!

Fredron:       Noooooooo!

(to be continued)